I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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