He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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