Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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