sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
