Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im six kinds of drunk right now
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
