i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
