birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
