Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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