Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
