if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
