I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
