Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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