Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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