I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
