So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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