I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
