I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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