I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
