im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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