how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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