Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You have to summon your inner elephant
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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