Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
