I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
