I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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