she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
