Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
