Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
