Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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