are you still at the devil's house?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm always down for nudity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
