FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
