Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
