I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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