..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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