Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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