is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your penis caused this!
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