haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
