I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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