totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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