One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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