all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
