i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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