She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am naked and annoyed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
