just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
