You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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