Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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