Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
