I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
