yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
