I will die if light touches me.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
