my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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