I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
