so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
