When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
worst night to have a conscience
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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