im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
