She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
