Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
