I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
