I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
