why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
