Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
