you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
