Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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