I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
