i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
