nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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