My cat gives me a boner
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
