He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
