How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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