i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
