HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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