my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
