I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
