8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
