I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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