I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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