You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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