I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
