8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
