so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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