My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
